I have (finally - and trust me, it was a loooooong time coming) figured out that I have to accept even the most hurtful and damaging parts of my past experiences rather than stay mired in the ‘what-if’ game.
It’s a bit like the false choices we get from politicians or religious experts; like when “President” Bush says we can either fight the ‘terrorists’ over there or they’ll follow us home - that’s a false choice since there are clearly way more options than just those two.
Likewise, if I hadn’t experienced X, Y or Z - or hadn’t made whatever choice I may now think was a bad one, I’d be a different person. That’s all. I can’t say I would have been a better person or a worse person, just different, and part of *really* accepting who I am is *really* accepting all the choices and experiences that got me here.
Anyway, that’s the choice I’ve made and unless I chose to change that choice, that’s the choice I’ll be sticking with (’cause that’s another false choice we get fed a lot, that once you make a choice, you can’t ever change your mind and make a different one.)