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Suburban Hen Goes Beta (5 unread)

February 14, 2010
0:15
Public Service Announcment
» ‎ Suburban Hen Goes Beta

For interested parties, I've started a craft/Etsy blog, to go with my Etsy shop.
February 07, 2010
9:28
scared
» ‎ Suburban Hen Goes Beta

In a crisis, I react like my father. I want to immediately fix whatever is going wrong. I want facts. I want solutions. I want plans. And I will just keep going until the crisis is over.

It takes me positivly ages to calm the hell down and take a look at the really obvious stuff, like that maybe my life was in danger. At the time of the crisis, I don't care. I do the right thing first, then think on it later. It doesn't mean I always do things the right way, but it does mean I react honestly. Thankfully I was brought up well, and I don't need a big book written in Hebrew to tell me right from wrong. My instictive reactions are infrequently selfish, and I like that about me.

Since Thursday night our life has been turned on its head. When you shake a snake, it bites you. It's why we we all hate snakes so much.

The next few weeks are going to be telling. We don't know if the worst will happen, but we have to assume it will, and I have to be honest and say that I am really scared. I don't get scared very often. My life choices attest to that. In most ways I am pretty brave. But right now I am just really scared. I'm scared that some psycho would rather lie to try and put my husband in prison rather than just move on with her life. I am scared of this woman who is so obsessed with my family that she spends her waking hours plotting and scheming to bring down our tiny little corner of the world, by any means possible.
February 01, 2010
18:20
what i have been doing
» ‎ Suburban Hen Goes Beta

Inside The Red Door
January 30, 2010
19:45
talk to me
» ‎ Suburban Hen Goes Beta

An email comes to my inbox a few times a day; a 'daily digest' list of things being offered or wanted on a network inspired by Freecycle.

The list is populated by all sorts of things, and I skim over each email, checking for things I might want to ask after, or looking for the odd person I might be able to help out.

Frequently, there are things for children; clothes, toys, bikes.

Today, a baby's cot, and my heart and stomach do that strange thing where they feel like they swap places for a second or two.

I'm not in the least someone you can't 'talk about it' to. In fact, I almost welcome direct questions about it. It's the elephant in the room, otherwise, and until it's out there and discussed with people who I know know about it, then I find myself nervous in their presence; talking too fast and needing to find things to do with my hands. And for some reason until the topic comes up, I just can't look people in the eye.

If you asked me, directly, how I am feeling about everything that has happened, I will tell you. I am not ashamed that I am not OK, and that I am spending a lot of time alone. That I am not really 'doing' social activities, and that I hope people understand (and most of them do). I will tell you that I can't do it again; that if I did, and it went badly, I would probably need to be sectioned. And I'm serious about that. I can feel how fragile my grip on this unbalanced version of 'OK' is, and to find myself pregnant with another Down syndrome baby and be faced yet again with the decision of termination would be the end of me.

So why would I do that to myself?
January 24, 2010
1:40
still here
» ‎ Suburban Hen Goes Beta

I have been keeping a very low profile.

I have been making.

It's kind of like art therapy for the Damaged.

It probably isn't working as well as the anti-histamine I have been taking which appears to have an anti-depressant quality.

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Suburban Hen Goes Beta (5 unread)

Public Service Announcment

scared

what i have been doing

talk to me

still here